I'm sure in retrospect, my mom and possibly my dad would comment on how weird of a child I was. I think it had a lot to do with my dad. He was always (still is) so interesting. Whether he was reading, watching a movie or looking something up for us in his library, he always had a book to reference our questions. One book in particular I think layed the theme of my path. He had a series of "coloring books" of military uniforms from all over the world. You name the remote country and if they had a bone to pick well then, they had a tassle or a buckle to decorate and arm themselves with. SO why was it that he had an extra book of Moroccan military uniforms that happened to be the one I kept stealing (at the age of 5ish or so) and hiding under my pillow?

Sometimes I lose myself in this maddening culture--I do. Sometimes its easier to hide in here than go out there and be a nobody. It's how I feel from time to time. I think that without my DH I'd have made it to Morocco and some point in my life. I still think if we hadn;t met the night that we did, it would have been the following weekend or a month later. It was eventual--I've always felt like that, not cause I'm a Cancer or a hopelessly devoted romantic fanantic but because it makes a whole lot of sense.

It's only been recently, these past few months that spurts of me come splattering out. Somehow I am expressing me--my personality, my family and my heritage. It's a little too late yes, but its here and its something new for DH to deal with.

But still, I'm drawn to this crazy culture that has consumed my life (and my heart). I recently renewed my suibscription to Tingis, A Moroccan-American Magazine published by the founders of wafin.com. There was a poem in there by the Moroccan poet, Said Leghlid. I'm posting a snippet of it here, check out his site, a version of the poem exist here, a slightly differen version in the magazine. Have been a poet in a former life I can see why and how he made changes. Your life is constantly evolving, why not your thoughts and words. This part really struck me the most and speaks to how I feel....


...July was hotter than June
And I noticed,
for the sake of fall and spring,
that I could somehow tell the difference
Between culture and religion.

I took a sip from this culture,
Became imprisoned momentarily,
And empoisoned for eternity....